Joke Mix
Three year old son Scott had thin fly-away hair, so his mother often wet it to comb it into place. One morning as she applied water and slicked his hair back , she announced it was time for him to get another haircut. “Mom.” Scott replied, “If you’d quit watering it so much, it wouldn’t grow so fast!”
There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Hair Biologist happened upon them. He said, “You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them that causes the hair to lie toward the back. The way you are dragging that moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite minimal.” The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, “I can’t believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist.” “Yeah.”, said the other. “But we’re getting further and further away from our truck.”
How does the queen bee fix her hair? She uses a honey comb! – Or – Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honeycombs.
After his shower, eight-year old Nick came downstairs and announced that he had washed his hair and body with the new shampoo I’d bought. When I asked him why he’d done that, he replied, “Because the bottle said full body!”
All men have the same amount of hormones. If you want to use yours growing body hair, that’s your business.
What does a blonde call a bottle of black hair dye??…Artificial intelligence.
New paper advertisement – Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Two old ladies sat on a bench talking. One said to the other, “Good heavens! Who did your hair? It looks like a wig!” The second lady replied, “It is a wig.” “Really?” exclaimed the first lady, “You could never tell!”
What my “Ph.D.” really stands for: Professional hair Dresser.
Preventing baldness is simple. Just knot your hair from the inside.
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.” The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 yards away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 yards, turned, waved and hopped another 50 yards. The man was astonished.
He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can!! He ran over to the woman and asked, “What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair and adds a permanent wave.”
One day, a girl walks to her mother and look at her mother’s hair and sadly said: “Why are some of your hair white mom?” The mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, “Momma, how come *all* of grandma’s hairs are white?”
If you perm your hair twice in opposite directions, does it come out straight?
Did you hear about the guy who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.
Are hair web sites located on mane frames?
If a man stepped on Rapunzel’s hair would he be arrested for tress-passing?
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.” After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!” The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair….” To which his father replied, “Yes, and they walked every where they went!”
A priest went into a Washington, DC, barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest. A few days later a police officer came in. “How much do I owe you?” the cop asked after his haircut.
“No charge, officer,” the barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer. A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. “How much do I owe you?” he asked afterward. “No charge,” the barber replied. “I consider it a service to my country.” The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.
Bill’s hair kept falling out and he complained to his barber. “That stuff you gave me,” he cried, “is terrible! You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing’s happened.” “I don’t understand it,” said the barber. “That’s the best hair restorer made.” “Well,” said Bill, “I don’t mind *drinking* another bottle, but it had better work!”
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, – he placed the boy in the chair. “I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned. The barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.” “That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’”
A woman walks into a vet’s waiting room. She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there. “Sit, Fluffy,” she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him. “I said SIT, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, “damn it Fluffy, will you be good?!” Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says: “Pardon me, I’ve just washed my hare, and can’t do a thing with it!”